I go around espousing fashion advice on a pretty regularl basis. "Don't wear chunky heels." "Do try this shade of purple." The way I carry myself around one would think that I could do no fashion wrong. Well, one would think wrong.
Here are a few of my confessions:
1. In my closet are not one, not two, but three pairs of Payless shoes. And I wore one of the pairs as recently as Sunday. What? Sometimes their stuff is cute. And have I mentioned they're really cheap?
2. I own a pair of crocs. I hate them. I loathe them. But, gosh darn it, they sure are comfy. Now, I still believe they should NEVER EVER be seen in public unless you are a nurse, gardening, or are under the age of 6. Mine live in my apartment and never set foot outside my front door. I've just learned that sometimes, standing around cooking and cleaning (aren't I so domestic?) for long periods on my hardwood floors can be pretty achey on my feet.
3. Probably as regularly as every other day, I don't take my mascara off before I go to bed. I know. I know. You are all cringing. Is it weird that I don't like my husband seeing me without makeup? It's my mother's fault. She's foreign and old-fashioned.
4. I wore a hooded zip-up sweatshirt to work on Sunday. In my defense, it was Sunday and I had to be in the office all day. I think it was more my revenge on the world than trying to be comfortable. I really showed them, didn't I?
5. I have worn a ponytail to work everyday for a week. Yes, I too am horrified by this statement. Thank God that I have a haircut scheduled for tonight. I don't think I can take much more of this. I don't even recognize myself anymore.
6. I hate suits. Really truly hate suits. Now, this isn't much of a fashion confession as I'm quick to tell anyone how much I despise the way I look in suits. They're just too masculine and gross. I do have a few fun half-sleeve or printed suits that I love and bust out for business lunches and the like. But yesterday, this esquire had to make a court appearance. For court I figured my plaid Isaac Mizrahi for Target suit wouldn't really cut it and wanted to go basic black. Too bad I donated my black skirt suit last month out of spite for my suits. (Did I mention I hate them?) So it was time to bust out my black pant suit, which has not seen the light of day in FIVE YEARS. That is not an exaggeration. It literally has not been worn in five years. My court call was early and two hours away, so I groggily put on my suit and some flats for driving, not paying attention to how I looked. Once I got to the courthouse in the middle of the country (it was so cute, 1 cent literally bought you 12 minutes at a meter. A PENNY!), I put on my heels and stepped out of my trusty EWP-mobile. And omg, my pants were short. Now, I'm not talking crazy short but at least a half inch shorter than I would be comfortable with. I was mortified the entire day. I caught glances of my reflection in shop windows as I walked by. I wanted to crawl under my car and die. I am an advocate of proper hemlength, and mine was decidedly improper. It was one thing when this was going on in Maybury for my court call where the trashy women sitting behind me were escorted out of the courtroom by a policeman (it was an interesting morning), but it was entirely another thing when I made my way back to the city and showed up to the office. Clearly I must not have been into 5 inch heels 5 years ago when I had my pants hemmed. I think it's time for a new suit. Or at least to let my pant legs down a little.
What are your fashion confessions? Don't worry I won't judge (at least not too much).
