Last night was the People's Choice Awards, an award show that doesn't really count for anything, but there wasn't anything else on so I watched for a little bit. And what I saw was frightening. It seems all of Hollywood knows the PCAs don't mean anything, and they dressed accordingly. The attire was so bad that I can't give you a best dressed list, but can only tell you why everyone looked so so bad.
The Okayly Dressed
In such a night, all it took was wearing a flattering color and a dress that fit, and not tripping on the red carpet, to make my okay list.
Marisa Tomei played it safe in a dress with both a good color for her and a good cut. Yes, it's super simple and kinda plain, but the bit of ruching makes it a little more interesting.
I don't really approve of Malin Ackerman's hair color, but I did enjoy her tri-colored dress. The stripes look wider in this picture than I would approve of, but it played well on tv. She looked young, pretty, and fun. I approved.
Jennie Garth surprised me and pulled off an old-school screen siren look with a black bombshell shift dress, soft waves, and really red lips. I'm going to overlook her shoes which I'm pretty sure are from Payless.
Unlike most tween stars who go slutty at 14 and dress oh so age inappropriate and look like they're about to go stand on a street corner (Miley Cyrus, I'm talking to you), Dakota Fanning usually does a good job of dressing her age. While this dress may be a smidge shorter than I would like for her (but I think I'm an old prude and 15 year olds probably wear much shorter), I liked the color and the one shoulder. It was flirty while staying young. It helped that she had very minimal makeup and no jewelry, so she didn't look like a little girl playing dress up in her mommy's clothes (*ahem* *miley*).
Not Horrifying
These ladies didn't look good, but they only missed the mark by a little bit.
Olivia Wilde is a pretty girl. I just think this dress is a little too loose, even with her very skinny frame, and I'm pretty sure I see nipple.
I like the idea of this dress. The gunmetalish color, and the tulip skirt would've done well had the dust ruffle not landed on her front. It's too big and not flattering at all. Nix the ruffle and Debra Messing could've had a great dress.
I guess this is a nice enough suit. It fits her, she has a nice smile, she doesn't look bad. I just don't really get a plain black pant suit for an awards show. Especially when you're pretty sure you're going to win an award. But if she was going to an interview at Avon, good job!
I hate Teri Hatcher, I really do. But this dress does start out okay. A simple black dress, in a nice cut. I was impressed until my eyes scrolled down and saw the large bows stuck to the outside of each thigh. WHYYYY????
People really like Herve Leger bandage dresses. I think they're fine. Perfectly cute. So I'm sure a new actress like Jessica Stroup thought she was making the best outfit choice when she chose this Leger to wear to the awards last night. Her hair looks fantastic, her makeup is great, and damn that's a pretty smile. But the dress... maybe if it didn't have that strange flower which seems to be made of leather, then I could get on board. I think if it also was in only one or two colors, then I'd be more on board.
Seasonly Inappropriate
Yes, it may be warm in la la land, but it's still January. I really don't think spring florals make good red carpet awards show wear. Sorry, Jewel, I would have otherwise liked your dress as feminine and flattering.
I won't apologize to that other girl (apparently she is named Robin Tunney and on some crappy show called "The Mentalist") because seasonly inappropriate or not, that dress is just ugly.
Figure Issues
I don't care what size or shape you are, it is possible to look smashing in a dress. All you have to do is be aware of your shape and problem areas and dress accordingly. These women did not do that and unfortunately drew more attention to their size.
I actually really liked Queen Latifah's dress a lot. It was pretty, a great color, and had a great shape. She just fell victim to having a dress in the wrong size. Had the top been a few sizes bigger, she could've avoided smushed boobs and the accompanying fat oozing. I couldn't help but stare at the bulges coming out of top of her dress in the front and back. I just felt so bad.
Chandra Wilson is one sassy round woman. And I love her for it. Unfortunately she did not get the memo on proportion. If you are large on top, don't wear a skinny spaghetti strap. A thicker strap will do you good. But at least she didn't have Queen Latifah's major seepage issues. And all that layering on the bottom makes her look even bigger. As she is so short, she should've gone with something shorter. And as she's in the plus sizes, she should've gone with something with less layers, so as not to add bulk to her physique.
Jordin Sparks is a pretty girl, though she does seem extremely annoying. Especially with that sluts comment she made at the MTV VMA awards, but all personal biases aside, she can look cute. Last night was not one of those times. She's a full-figured, very tall lady, and as such, should've gone a) not strapless, she had armpit fat ooze; b) not worn a puffy fabric that made her look even bigger; and c) (I swear it was shorter on tv than in the picture below) worn a dress a little big longer, so as to cut her at a more slender part of her leg.
Things I Totally Hated
I'm not sure who this Nikki Cox character is, but there are two things I definitely know: 1) that dress is WAY TOO SHORT; we're in danger of seeing her lady bits, and 2) her lips are WAY TOO BIG; lay off the collagen, lady, you seem like you could be pretty.
Oh Aunt Becky. I know you've been out of the game for a while and all those young things on the new 90210 are probably filling you with ideas of what hip people are wearing these days, but, no matter what they said, quilted lampshades are not meant to be worn.
Kate Hudson invoked my ire the most last night. It wasn't so much that her dress was ugly (which it totally was), but it was the kind of bedsheet, hangy mess we've come to expect from her.
What really bothered me was how she walked around in it. She kept picking it up and lifting it to her panties! This picture doesn't even show how high she was hiking it. But the entire time she was walking to stage, standing on stage, and walking off, Kate picked up that dress and I honestly thought for a bit it was a minidress, only to discover later it was floor-length. Ladies, if you make strange dressing decisions, own them. Do not tug, do not lift, do not adjust. Just walk. And if you can't do that, don't wear the dress.
Annalynne McCord looks pretty skanky on a regular basis. It seems God just made her face that way. Perpetually drunk looking is a big obstacle to overcome. And it seems AM thought she could do it by dressing like a boring librarian.
What really bothered me was how she walked around in it. She kept picking it up and lifting it to her panties! This picture doesn't even show how high she was hiking it. But the entire time she was walking to stage, standing on stage, and walking off, Kate picked up that dress and I honestly thought for a bit it was a minidress, only to discover later it was floor-length. Ladies, if you make strange dressing decisions, own them. Do not tug, do not lift, do not adjust. Just walk. And if you can't do that, don't wear the dress.
Annalynne McCord looks pretty skanky on a regular basis. It seems God just made her face that way. Perpetually drunk looking is a big obstacle to overcome. And it seems AM thought she could do it by dressing like a boring librarian.
And the winner for multiple offenses in one night was Carrie Underwood. The girl is gorgeous. I would have lesbian dreams about her if I was into that kind of thing. But this thing below is how she showed up to the awards. I want to stretch out the top and hike it up, and dye the whole dress a single color. I just don't know what to do with it. And oh lord, the print!
Then she changed into some green getup to perform that I couldn't find a good picture of, so you'll just have to take my word for it. It could've been pretty, but then she put this strange chiffon layer over the full-length dress that only came about lower thigh and made her bottom look so much bigger than it was. I was sad for her.
Well, Ms. Underwood then grabbed another outfit. While she was seated, I was like, hey, that neckline was a little more glitzy and orange than I prefer, but I can get on board. But then she got up to accept an award. The hemline is something I could not get on board with. Ruffles and sequins, oh my. It's like Liberace threw up on her hips.
And then it got worse... Why does it split apart when she's walking??? Why do the sequins only go left or right, leaving most of her thighs exposed? Oh, Carrie, our would-be lesbian affair is over. I just don't have the time for a fixer upper.
Well, there's always the Golden Globes...
